The wagon got very bumpy...

In other words, I fell off...more like a swan dive, a very beautiful, large swan dive! Well, It's been a long time since I have memorialized anything in the written word, let alone posted or updated this blog. So, to start out...let me get you up to speed;

I got home down a total of near 50 lbs, over the next 3 or so months I had a net loss of another 13 lbs or so. I say net loss because the chart showing my progress was up and down and all over the place day to day, but week to week it definitely trended downward. Then, two things happened I was not prepared for. First, I went on vacation with my family which was a blast. However, It sent me into a downward, out of control spiral with Some of my best ever "justifiable" excuses of why I could and should eat some of the things I was. And second, I injured my knee and was not mentally prepared with a back up plan. So, I quickly slipped back into old habits that make no sense at all except when I am perfectly happy to believe a lie...that comes out of my mouth. For Example:

*well, since I didn't exercise today, I may as well not worry about calories. Of course the correct train of thought and the truth should have been..."because I did not exercise today, I really need to watch what I eat."

*It's Sunday, I deserve a free day...and an entire tray of cookies. The truth-there is no free day. Everything I do, I must account for. That just doesn't hold true for food and calories, but life in general.

*they're eating that, plus seconds...I should be able to as well. The truth-"they" don't have 80 lbs to lose still, I do. Maintaining is one thing, losing is quite another.

The Reality-as much as I have tried to hide from it and pretend it hasn't happened, the reality is I did what I was certain I would not do by gaining 20lbs back. Now, I have gone through the "stages of rages", as outlined in an earlier post, and am now ready to continue my progress using the tools I learned and the ones that led me to a 63 lb. weight loss in a relatively short period of time. I will start by aiming to lose the 6 pounds I need to to get to where I was when I came home from Fitness Ridge, and then the next 15 that I had lost after. I will not focus on anything outside of those two goals and then make new ones when I get there.

I have extra motivation to get this 20 lbs off fast. You see, I threw away or donated away all my "obese" clothes and only have fat clothes left. Well, the fat clothes are a bit tight and, I'm simply not getting enough oxygen to my body with the short breathes aloud by the tight shirts.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow..

 Five weeks ago I started this little Fitness Ridge experiment with much anxiety and trepidation. Five weeks ago, I knew the only way I would stay is if I let everyone I knew--friends, family, clients, work associates, facebook land, church members, etc--know that I was going to Fitness Ridge and I would document, based on a true story, my thoughts, feelings, fears, experiences, failures and successes via this blog. Five weeks ago, my expectation for success was solely focused

on how much weight I could lose. Five weeks ago, I was spinning out of control, confused and definitely heading the wrong direction.

Today, I am home...reflective of my experiences and more than grateful for the opportunity to have had the Fitness Ridge experience. Today, I understand the real value in the last five weeks are the new habits developed and information absorbed. Today, my head is clear and my understanding solid in regards to food, body, mind, soul, work and achieving a greater balance than I have known in many, many years. Today, I am better having met so many new lifelong friends-struggling with similar issues and in many cases...exaggerated by personal tragedy and overcome by shear determination and strength. Today, I am grateful for the challenges I'm faced with as compared to many I've met. Today, I am humbled by the amount of support I have received by those close to me, those I associate with through work and those I've not seen or heard directly from for years. Today, I am thankful for all of you who kept me focused simply by reading, calling, texts and sending an email or two. Today, I am a tad more than 50 lbs smaller than I was not too long ago.

 

Tomorrow, I start the next chapter of my life...at home with my family, job and and regular duties. I say regular, but in no way mean "normal". The focus must be building on those things I've learned and no matter if I stumble from time to time, remembering that stumbling in no way equals failing. Progression does not necessarily mean a continuous line upward but a path that no matter the twists and turns...still progresses. I no longer fear failure, but embrace the inevitability of success that comes along with a great work ethic, desire, determination, knowledge and...a little luck. I am excited for tomorrow, for my wife's new husband and my kids new dad!

 

The pictures attached are from my last Saturday hike in Snow Canyon with Rachel. I took her on the Hidden Pinyon trail, up to Indiana Jones and Jeff's Hill and into a canyon near Piano Rock before we had to turn back. This was not one of those "bust your butt" type of hikes. We took our time, enjoyed hiking with each other, our environment and took plenty of pictures. Did we burn some calories and get a little more fit in the process...sure. But more importantly, we burned some of those, redundant, run of the mill, more of the same, I need a change type calories. What a refreshing day, hiking with a beauty amongst the beauty!

 I've decided to keep blogging as I continue to go from fat to fit. It's been good for me to be brutally honest with myself as I work through the process. Compared to five weeks ago...I feel amazing. And, I cant wait to know what I will feel like five weeks from now. Here's to the next 50 hikes, miles pounds and more...!

Mmmm, ribs...



Wednesday, June 15th menu



Today's hike started off in Snow canyon at the Scout Cave trail head. I had done this hike before and so was prepared, or so I thought. This week I have really been pushed and today was no different. We hiked about 3 miles in to Scout Cave at a pretty quick pace. We didn't stay long before we took off again to the top of the bluff overlooking Entrada. From there, I expected to return...like we did before. Instead, the guides said we were going to go all the way through and come out near town on the Chuckawalla trail head. So, we took off...and began trail running along the bluff. The group separated into 3 separate groups until there was a guide, myself and two others. Because of our pace, we added on an extra few trails on the way. With a mile to go, one of the gals in the group took off running ahead of the guide...so I followed. My goal was to run at her pace and then pass her on a hill. Every time I got close, she would speed up. Until finally, on the last hill, we were sprinting up about a 1/4 mile to the parking lot. She beat me, I had nothing left. We had just finished an 8 1/2 mile trek and I was spent. But man, did it feel great!



Beet soup



My brothers and I used to run through the hills of ElkRidge, specifically in Loafer Canyon where I grew up. There was only us and one neighbor in the canyon at the time. Every day, we would run up the side of the mountains building forts and hiding out to shoot people with our BB guns if they dared enter our canyon! You see, we thought we owned the canyon...had no idea what an acre was but to us, that meant everything in sight. I thought about how great it was and felt to have that much freedom, so long ago. And, here I was, running down a trail in Ivins, UT...feeling free and ever excited at my cardiovascular progression!





Pesto Pizza with Sun dried tomatoes

I've been nursing a back issue for a couple weeks now. I visited the resort Chiropractor a while ago and he said I had a rib out of placement, near the center of my back making it a little difficult to get a good breath. He was not able to pop it into place but referred me to the masseuse. I had a deep tissue massage, which was great, but she was not able to get it back in and referred me back to the Chiropractor. So, I called one in town today, told him the deal and went in. What he did, hurt like the dickens. At one point I began to laugh. Naturally, he wanted to know what was so funny. I simply explained to him that my choices at that moment were to laugh or cry, and I chose the former since I'm not comfortable with the latter. My back feels much better but is a bit sore from the beat down he put on me. This should make a pleasant difference for tomorrow's hike and schedule.


French toast with raspberry sauce, turkey sausage and scrambled eggs

Because of todays quick pace, I did not get any photos of the hike. So, I have posted pictures of today's menu, breakfast and lunch. All the food was great but I must admit, 1200 calories today feels like, well...1200 calories! I watched Man vs Food  for a while today and his challenge was to eat 17 chili dogs. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Chili dogs? And, what makes it more difficult...chili dogs love me too!

Tomorrow is Thursday, the week is starting to move quickly now. Sunday morning I will learn my new numbers and totals to this point. And, most importantly, I will head home to see my kids. I miss them, my house, friends and clients...basically I miss real life. I'm not as nervous as I once was to go home and screw this all up. I think first because, I spent one week home with success and second, because I have been living this way now for almost 5 weeks...perhaps I have some new habits by now? At the very least, I have new found confidence, energy, knowledge and understanding and way too many people watching...failure is not an option!

Excuse me, am I wearing shoes?

I had a major break through today and to be honest, I'm not sure when it actually happened along the way-I just happend to notice this morning. As I was getting ready around 5:45am for my hike, it all of the sudden hit me that I was sitting in a chair, tying my shoe! I know you're asking yourself, what's the big break through? Well, that's it...me sitting, while tying my shoe and without holding my breath and having to come up for air a couple times before completing the job. Yes, I was that bad and yes, I'm ashamed to admit it but...no more. So, I decided to take things to the next level. I stood up, looked down and saw the darnedest thing...the tips of my shoes. Again, a giant step (pun) intended) mentally in realizing I really am making good progress. So, I thought for a moment and said to myself, "I wonder"? And so I sat down, grabbed both my feet and brought them up around my side and touched the side of my head, as documented in this photo of me. I just can't believe the progress I've made to this point!

Yesterday's menu was pretty good. I have pictured two of the meals from yesterday, along with the menu for the day. This is one of the few breakfasts I wont swap out for the eggs and toast, probably because eggs and English muffin are just as good, and with turkey bacon. The lunch, also pictured, is one of my favorites. A grilled vegetable skewer along with turkey and rice smothered in green chili sauce. I'm a big believer that pretty much anything can be made better by smothering with green chili sauce...except for the colonel's original recipe of course...that's just madness! We also had a vegetable soup for lunch and a very good turkey chili with cornbread. I don't have them pictured here because pictures of soups end up looking like crap...literally, crap. And to be fair, most all of the soups here have been very, very good.

The assessment hike yesterday, was out of the usual for a group of us. They didn't tell us where we were going, until we got there. the trail is called, "Three Ponds Overlook". This is one of the most beautiful hikes I've done here with great ascent and a hike on top of a ridge about a thousand feet up and views of snow canyon from the top. There was a lot of sand stone climbing, which I love. No matter how steep, if you trust your feet, you can cruise and climb almost anything cause your shoes just stick to the rock.

Today, I did the stop sign hike for my 4th and final time during this Fitness Ridge experience. Four weeks ago, I did the 4.3 mile ascent up snow canyon in about an hour and 12 minutes. The second time I did it, I was around an hour an seven minutes and the third time about an hour and five minutes. I really wanted to break one hour on my last time, and I felt like I was working at a pace to get that done. There were a few people that got out ahead of me because they decided to run parts of the lower two miles. I kept them in view and used them as motivation to keep my speed up. On the upper two miles it gets really steep and I slowly reeled one after the other in and with a quarter mile left, began to run for fear of not making my goal. When I got there, the guide gave me my time of 55 1/2 minutes...I met my goal. So, I turned around and walked all the way back down feeling really good about my progress.

Rachel and I are in separate vans, on separate hikes. I love that she is having some of her own experiences, away from me. I often think I get in her way by monopolizing her time and controlling conversation in groups. Rach is super funny, very fun, extremely happy and just pleasant to be around...and others are learning that for themselves as they get to know her. Rachel hiked Scout Cave. Because of the speed in which she hiked, they are moving her up one group tomorrow. Rach has never been one to back down from a good challenge! Rach is blogging her experience at: www.breakmeorbreakfree.blogspot.com

Until We Meet Again, How You Doin'...

Remember end of the semester finals in college? I would always tell myself, while last minute cramming, "no matter what happens, on this certain date a couple weeks out, whether I fail everything or pass with flying colors, they'll all be over." Well, I officially have one week left here at Fitness Ridge and I can't believe I am really this close to having this 5 week experience over and done with and back to real life!

Another Sunday means saying bye to good friends and welcoming in, "new meat." This Sunday was particularly tough, given the great friends leaving and some that started with me 5 weeks ago. We reminisced outside by the pool the night before, remembering funny things that had happened over the previous weeks and swapping contact info. I wish them all the best and look forward to keeping in touch with all. (Carl, Jolie & Kim pictured)

On the other hand, I have been looking forward to this Sunday for sometime knowing I was getting a new roommate! Don't get me wrong, I love Carl and consider him a great friend, but, and I know he would understand, he doesn't hold a stick to this little Asian kid that moved in today. I say little, because he is short, but as you can see by the photo-his journey is just beginning. His name is Eet Sun Fwy Chykn...I think it's a family name but not sure. I snapped this photo while he was eating his, "last chance meal". I don't know him very good yet, I think he mentioned he was a gymnast when he was young and actually broke both legs and arms in the growth plates and had to give up the sport. Bad luck!

Before I move on, if you happen to be a short, chubby Asian and are offended by my post thus far-take comfort in the fact that I am a fat, bald, white dude with one eyebrow.

So my real new roommate is Rach. I am so happy to have her here so she can have some of the same experiences I have had this last while. Plus, many people have asked me detailed questions about things I've learned in lectures, etc. Now, I can send them to her and she can tell them everything she saw and heard and I won't pull a brain muscle in the process. Also, this month Rach and I will celebrate 17 years since our first date, in St George believe it or not. She may not have known it was a date, but I asked her and her BFF Bekka if they wanted to come with me and Stevo down to the play, "Utah", at Tuacahn. That was one of the funnest times I've ever had and a cherished memory. I didn't know if she liked me at the time but I remember telling Steve, "I'm going to keep asking her out until she marries me, or gets a restraining order." Thanks for not calling the police Rach!

Today's menu was decent. I had my usual eggs and toast instead of the muffin, and the rest was pretty okay. As I've said before, this has been a wonderful experience, but I'm ready to start eating the eggs and toast at home with my wife and kids. At one point, I was fearful of leaving here and trying this all on my own- wondering if I might fail...again. Now, I feel confident, educated and excited about the future. I understand that no one has been more critical of me, than me. And, progress is progress. A healthy life style is not a sprint but a life long effort!

Like sands through the hour glass, these are the days of our lives...

This week I've repeated many of the hikes I've already done. This has been somewhat challenging, because there are no surprises. Going in, I already knew the difficulty level, the parts I like and the parts I dislike. So, I have found myself hiking with my head down. Many of the trails, if not all, have some sort of sand element in them. Sometimes the sand is not very deep and kind of hard which is easy to walk through. But many times, the sand is deep, soft and a pain in the neck to walk through. Not only is it hard to cover distance quickly, it fills your shoes and crowds your toes and you have to take short, choppy steps to make it through. I have found myself staring at the shoes walking in front of me. So, instead of getting to know names, I've come to know some people as, "blue Nike's", or "black Adidas", or "old white tennis shoes". I noticed some shoes were worn more than others, some people preferred hiking boots and others running shoes. I noticed some shoes had stickers in them and some shoes had worn souls only on one side. It's what I didn't notice that finally caught my attention and caused me to think.


I noticed, that I knew way too much about every one's shoes and not enough about the people wearing them and, the places they were taking us. I was so focused on the never ending, deep, brutal sand that I simply forgot to look up. When I finally did look up, I noticed the most beautiful rock formations, canyons, plateaus, desert flowers and blue-blue sky. I could see way far away in the direction we began and way far ahead to where we were going. I could see peaks we had climbed and others we were about to. It's amazing what looking up can do for your vision! Simply put; I could see the beauty, feel my surroundings, look at people in the eyes while conversing and enjoy what I thought would be a redundant experience with a new perspective.

This caused me to think further, of course. How much of my life have I spent looking down? Have I been too focused on the trail and not my surroundings en route to my destination? Have I stopped to take pictures and build great memories for me and my family along the way or have I rushed us through, as quickly as possible, following the shoes in front of me and cursing the path?

I have met some great people here. The fine line between friendship and ignorance of someones existence is always intriguing to me. Week to week, I can look at all the new people that come in and make a judgment based on what I see or hear in a few seconds. And when I open my mouth, say hi, and get to know them...they become my friends and very quickly, I find my judgment was mostly wrong. I have made friends with many people and got to really know a handful. I have been hanging out, hiking, running and laughing with a fellow that was invited to play on the Canadian National Rugby team, a gal the worked in the Bush administration, a gent that was voted America's Most Wanted police officer of the year, a single mom who works her tail off as an RN in NYC and has lived in multiple countries, an educator that is also a rapper and artist and so on, and so forth. The thing we all have in common is that we are here, working on a weakness. We came here alone, but found that it became easier to do it together by learning from one another. I have learned from all of these people. I have learned from the experiences, trials and victories from their past and our experiences together here. I have learned at least one thing every day here that will help me throughout the rest of my life--in every aspect of my life. I am grateful for this opportunity. I am grateful for people. I am grateful for the deep sand that strengthens my legs, the hills that test my lungs and the view when I remember to look up. Along with work, there should be joy in the journey!

The Stages of Rages...

Dear Mom,

I'm still here at fat camp doing everything my leaders say, just like you said. The food isn't actually as good as you told me it would be. Yes, we have a cook but he won't cook anything we ask , just what he wants. Today for breakfast he gave us barely enough peanut butter and jelly to cover most of this weird bread that wasn't even soft. At lunch, we had soup made out of part snip, and I don't even know what the other part was but it looked like thick pee and kind of smelled that way too. We were all excited about having pizza but it was really vegetables and some kind of cheese on a wheat tortilla. I'm not the only one that was disappointed, other kids started crying and had to talk to a councilor. They said we're having Salmon for dinner and fruit for dessert? Some of the other kids already told me they tried the salmon before and it didn't taste like fish. They said that the cook was lazy and boiled it in water and that you cant even catch fish here in the desert so, where did it come from?

I'm doing all the activities. I went on a hike with some other kids today. Most of them were nice. Except one girl, who kept telling me to pull my pants up cause she could see my bum crack while I was hiking...but I couldn't help it. It's hard to hold my pants up in back while climbing. So later, while she was hiking, I saw her crack and told her but she didn't believe me. So, to prove it , when I saw it again I threw little rocks in there. She started crying and I got in trouble. Today I learned it's more better if a girl sees a boy's bum crack than if a boy sees a girls's. I didn't know.

Mom, I know you told me not to complain and so I wont. But. I think you should call the police and tell them about this place. I think if you and dad knew how they treated us, you wouldn't have sent me here. I'm sorry I ate all those Doritos even though you said if I did you would send me here. I didn't know you really would and I don't think you knew they were going to be so mean. Did you know they don't care if you throw up because you're so tired? Did you know that even if you're hungry, they don't even care and wont give you more food until it's time to eat again? Did you know that if you're hurt and cant go on a hike, they punish you by making you ride a bike or something?

Mom, I hate you for sending me to fat camp. If you don't come and get me by tomorrow, I will run away from home and never love you again. Tell dad I don't care if he'll buy me a new PS3 game if I finish. They are stealing your money and torturing me and you don't even care!

Mom, sorry about what I said earlier. I promise if you come get me I will eat vegetables, do my chores and play outside like you always ask. I promise I'll quit asking to play games all the time and I'll even ride my bike sometimes. I know that you didn't know this place would be like this and if you did, you wouldn't have sent me here. I'll pack my things and wait for you to come. You probably really miss me and don't want me gone for another week. I'll scratch you're arms and head when I get back because I'm sure you're stressed out with me here. It's okay, you didn't know.

So, call them and tell them you're coming to get me, okay? By the way, I think my hip is broke cause it hurts to walk. So, I cant' really do stuff here anyway. So even if you don't want to get me, you have to or it's abuse. And, I hope I dont drown in the deep end...I cant even touch!

Love, Robby

P.S. after you get me can we stop at McDonald's for a happy meal and shake?